Good-Bye

I'd loved him for a long time, 9 years and 3 months to be exact. It had always been one of those relationships that made the people around us shake their heads. There were ups and downs, screaming matches and the occasional violent outburst but in some twisted way we were actually in love. We hadn't been together all 9 years though, I'd moved away to college, he moved away to college, we broke up, got back together, and all those other things that happen in a less then perfect relationship. But saying good bye for real wasn't ever in my plans. We hadn't been together in over a year but I still loved him and we had talked about getting together, just never did it. When he called and said he wanted to come over I was sure it was going to be another should we give it another try conversation and I was ready to say yes.


He showed up after work and looked exhausted. We started with all the pleasantries of any two people from a small town. I ask about his family, he asked about mine, we talked ranching for a few minutes and then he let out a long sigh. "We really need to talk."

"OK", I answered.

"You know you were my first love. I'll always love you in some way, but there's someone new."

I just sat there. I didn't know what to say or how to say it. I was ready to get back together and now he was telling me there was someone new. I felt dizzy and nauseous and wanted to run away, only my legs were made of jello. Finally I managed to squeeze an "Oh" out.

"I know it's sudden but we just connect. She makes me laugh and makes me feel like I'm 16 again. And we don't fight." He averted his gaze.

I just wanted to scream at him. Tell him he was wrong. Tell him this time we wouldn't fight, tell him this time would be different. But I knew I'd be lying. I loved him and we had a deep connection but he was right, we did fight. "So, how long have you been seeing her."


"About a month. We got engaged last night. We're getting married this fall." He stared at his hands as if not looking at me was making this whole twisted thing easier.

"Oh, congratulations. I'm glad your happy." The words were coming out of me but I didn't seem to be making them. I guess I was glad he was happy. That was one of the things that had always bothered me about our relationship, he never seemed truly happy. We sat in silence for almost an hour, him staring at his hands and me staring out the front window. When the sun was nearly set he stood.

"I ought to get. She's planning to come meet my sister tonight. You ought to come see my sister while she's in town. She'd like to see you."

I walked him to the door and stood watching him walk to his pickup. He stood with the pickup door open, just looking back at me. I hoped for a brief moment that he was going to take it all back but he didn't. "Good-bye."


"Good-bye", I said. He backed out of the driveway and drove away. I slumped against the door and cried. This really was good-bye.