Just want to be me

I'm an adult.
I'm all grown up.
I've moved away, I've gone to school.
I make my own money,
Why can't I make my own rules?
I know you think you love me,
And your helping me the best you know how,
But really your hurting me,
You make me feel like less then a person,
Like I'm really screwed up somehow.
I know you want whats best for me
But I don't think you know what that is.
I'm not a kid anymore,
I've changed and you need to accept that.
I want to be a good person
But I want to do it in my own way.
I'm not you, I don't want to be you,
I want to be me and live life my way.

I'm back

I haven't posted on this blog in forever. And I'm not saying I'm going to post often but I'm really wanting to write again so I am hoping to pop in from time to time and work on the story that has been taking shape here.

Just Married!!!

Well we did it!! Our outdoor fall wedding was beautiful dispite the nightmares I had that it would rain or snow. Weather was perfect, I was pretty, the dress looked great, Jeremy was very very handsome and now we are man and wife (that was the best part). All of his family made the trip with out any problems and my family was all there (or at least all that matter came) and every one was happy and smiling and got along swimmingly. After wards we headed out for Yellowstone which was absolutely wonderful. Our new tent is awsome and we very much enjoyed all of our together time. I will post more pictures when I get them .

T minus 30 Days

That is right. In 30 Days and some hours I will be Mrs. Hill. And I have to say I am pretty gosh darn excited about that. I am getting the most wonderful in laws a girl could ask for not to mention the worlds greatest husband. Still have a lot of planning stress but I guess that is just how it goes. Hopefully by the end of the week we will have the invites all sent out and that will be a huge stress gone. My wonderful fiancee has been great to hold me while I freak out and cry cuz things aren't going just right and to get me to laugh when I finish crying. But being this close is like being the day before Christmas eve when you were 8. You know it is coming but for some reason it seems like it takes 48 years for Christmas to arrive rather then 48 hours. that is how I feel. It seems like I have 30 years left not 30 days. But now I must get back to addresses for the invitations :(.......be so glad when it's over.

why is wedding planning so hard

Recently I have been planning a wedding. Yes, my wedding. I am working on marrying the most wonderful guy in the world and yet I am so stressed out by planning that I am ready to bang my head against the first brick wall I find. Why must this be so hard? It is my wedding and I should get what I want. And honestly I one of the most simple girls in the world. I want nothing extravegant or grand. Just a few people, someone to marry us, and a little party afterward. Nothing too out of control or wild or huge just a little simple nice marriage. But apparently my big day isn't just my day. It's my day, my fiances day (obviously), my mothers day, my dad's day, my grandparents day, my sisters day, (thankfully he has a layed back easy going family). I just want it to be my day to do with as he and I please.
I wish we'd just gone to Vegas like we joked!

Good people are good people

Give you the shirt off his back, drop everything and come running when you need him, bail you out of jail and three o'clock in the morning no questions asked, he's good people. At least that's the definition of good people that I like to use. Some people might define it as a person who goes to church, claim certain values or has a certain set of beliefs but I've known plently of people who go to chuch and aren't worth the skin they are made of. Not that I am against church goers, I am one myself. But nothing makes me more upset then when people judge a person who doesn't go to church simply on the fact that he/she doesn't go to church. Its kind of like saying a doctor in the african bush must be a bad doctor because he doesn't practice in the hospital. He might be the greatest doctor in the world and do more for man kind then anyone else but he isn't considered because he isn't conventional.

This has been a long standing problem in our world I think and "believers" continue to shun those who have differing views. I fail to see how simply attending church can make one more worthy then another. I understand that by following the teachings of the church a person can become bettered and can grow but just because you don't go to chuch doesn't make you a bad person.
Maybe I just don't get it??

More at the hospital

Sam felt numb as she listened to the phone ring, waiting for her parents to pick up. She'd been trying all night to get a hold of them but for some reason they hadn't answered. She'd left at least a dozen frantic messages but now she didn't have the energy to be frantic anymore. The familiar message played in her ear but she almost forgot to start talking after the beep. "Oh uh, I need you to call me, soon." She fliped her phone closed and slumped lower in her chair. It was almost 7 am, they had been sitting at the hospital for 8 hours and still didn't know any more then they had known when they arrived. Jess, who had been pacing for the last few hours, sat down next to her.

"I should probably call my mom and check on the kids. And I think I'll call in today."

"Sure hun, sounds good." Sam hardly heard what Jess had said, but was too tired to do anything but agree.

Sam started to doze off. Her phone rang and she flung it in the air as she jumped from her chair. Picking it up from the carpet she answered it. "Hello?"

"Sam its mom. What's wrong?"

Sam couldn't hold her composure and began violently sobbing into the phone. She was so upset that she didn't even notice when Rance slid the phone from her hand.

"Hello?"

"Rance, this is Berta. What is going on with Andi? Why is Sam so upset?"

Rance swallowed hard. He hadn't intended to be the one telling his inlaws about Andi's condition. "We don't really know what's going on. Evan beat her to a pulp and she's in the hospital but they haven't told us anything. Last we heard they were working on stablizing her." Rance waited for a response but was answered only by silence.

"Hello?" Now Andi's father was on the other end, agitation rising out of his voice.

"Hi Rod, is Berta ok?"

"She's sobbing. What's going on Rance?"

"Evan beat Andi last night. She's in the hospital but we don't know anything. They will only tell us that they are trying to stablize her. The doctor did tell us that all of the family should probably come as soon as possible though."

"Well it will take us an hour or so to get packed and then we'll hit the road. If I go strait through we should be there in about 7 hours." Rod hung the phone up with out saying goodbye.

Rance sat down next to Sam and put his arm around her. He felt an odd relief as he looked across the room at his sleeping wife. He wasn't sure he could handle much more of the hystaria that had ruled their lives most of the night.