dusty corners of my mind

I'm back

2011-04-10T12:00:00.001-05:00

I haven't posted on this blog in forever. And I'm not saying I'm going to post often but I'm really wanting to write again so I am hoping to pop in from time to time and work on the story that has been taking shape here.

Just Married!!!

2008-09-28T00:01:00.003-05:00

Well we did it!! Our outdoor fall wedding was beautiful dispite the nightmares I had that it would rain or snow. Weather was perfect, I was pretty, the dress looked great, Jeremy was very very handsome and now we are man and wife (that was the best part). All of his family made the trip with out any problems and my family was all there (or at least all that matter came) and every one was happy and smiling and got along swimmingly. After wards we headed out for Yellowstone which was absolutely wonderful. Our new tent is awsome and we very much enjoyed all of our together time. I will post more pictures when I get them .

T minus 30 Days

2008-08-12T19:02:00.003-05:00

That is right. In 30 Days and some hours I will be Mrs. Hill. And I have to say I am pretty gosh darn excited about that. I am getting the most wonderful in laws a girl could ask for not to mention the worlds greatest husband. Still have a lot of planning stress but I guess that is just how it goes. Hopefully by the end of the week we will have the invites all sent out and that will be a huge stress gone. My wonderful fiancee has been great to hold me while I freak out and cry cuz things aren't going just right and to get me to laugh when I finish crying. But being this close is like being the day before Christmas eve when you were 8. You know it is coming but for some reason it seems like it takes 48 years for Christmas to arrive rather then 48 hours. that is how I feel. It seems like I have 30 years left not 30 days. But now I must get back to addresses for the invitations :(.......be so glad when it's over.

why is wedding planning so hard

2008-05-20T01:31:00.002-05:00

Recently I have been planning a wedding. Yes, my wedding. I am working on marrying the most wonderful guy in the world and yet I am so stressed out by planning that I am ready to bang my head against the first brick wall I find. Why must this be so hard? It is my wedding and I should get what I want. And honestly I one of the most simple girls in the world. I want nothing extravegant or grand. Just a few people, someone to marry us, and a little party afterward. Nothing too out of control or wild or huge just a little simple nice marriage. But apparently my big day isn't just my day. It's my day, my fiances day (obviously), my mothers day, my dad's day, my grandparents day, my sisters day, (thankfully he has a layed back easy going family). I just want it to be my day to do with as he and I please.
I wish we'd just gone to Vegas like we joked!

Good people are good people

2008-02-17T18:12:00.004-06:00

Give you the shirt off his back, drop everything and come running when you need him, bail you out of jail and three o'clock in the morning no questions asked, he's good people. At least that's the definition of good people that I like to use. Some people might define it as a person who goes to church, claim certain values or has a certain set of beliefs but I've known plently of people who go to chuch and aren't worth the skin they are made of. Not that I am against church goers, I am one myself. But nothing makes me more upset then when people judge a person who doesn't go to church simply on the fact that he/she doesn't go to church. Its kind of like saying a doctor in the african bush must be a bad doctor because he doesn't practice in the hospital. He might be the greatest doctor in the world and do more for man kind then anyone else but he isn't considered because he isn't conventional.

This has been a long standing problem in our world I think and "believers" continue to shun those who have differing views. I fail to see how simply attending church can make one more worthy then another. I understand that by following the teachings of the church a person can become bettered and can grow but just because you don't go to chuch doesn't make you a bad person.
Maybe I just don't get it??

More at the hospital

2007-11-18T20:13:00.001-06:00

Sam felt numb as she listened to the phone ring, waiting for her parents to pick up. She'd been trying all night to get a hold of them but for some reason they hadn't answered. She'd left at least a dozen frantic messages but now she didn't have the energy to be frantic anymore. The familiar message played in her ear but she almost forgot to start talking after the beep. "Oh uh, I need you to call me, soon." She fliped her phone closed and slumped lower in her chair. It was almost 7 am, they had been sitting at the hospital for 8 hours and still didn't know any more then they had known when they arrived. Jess, who had been pacing for the last few hours, sat down next to her.

"I should probably call my mom and check on the kids. And I think I'll call in today."

"Sure hun, sounds good." Sam hardly heard what Jess had said, but was too tired to do anything but agree.

Sam started to doze off. Her phone rang and she flung it in the air as she jumped from her chair. Picking it up from the carpet she answered it. "Hello?"

"Sam its mom. What's wrong?"

Sam couldn't hold her composure and began violently sobbing into the phone. She was so upset that she didn't even notice when Rance slid the phone from her hand.

"Hello?"

"Rance, this is Berta. What is going on with Andi? Why is Sam so upset?"

Rance swallowed hard. He hadn't intended to be the one telling his inlaws about Andi's condition. "We don't really know what's going on. Evan beat her to a pulp and she's in the hospital but they haven't told us anything. Last we heard they were working on stablizing her." Rance waited for a response but was answered only by silence.

"Hello?" Now Andi's father was on the other end, agitation rising out of his voice.

"Hi Rod, is Berta ok?"

"She's sobbing. What's going on Rance?"

"Evan beat Andi last night. She's in the hospital but we don't know anything. They will only tell us that they are trying to stablize her. The doctor did tell us that all of the family should probably come as soon as possible though."

"Well it will take us an hour or so to get packed and then we'll hit the road. If I go strait through we should be there in about 7 hours." Rod hung the phone up with out saying goodbye.

Rance sat down next to Sam and put his arm around her. He felt an odd relief as he looked across the room at his sleeping wife. He wasn't sure he could handle much more of the hystaria that had ruled their lives most of the night.

Good-Bye

2007-07-05T20:28:00.000-05:00

I'd loved him for a long time, 9 years and 3 months to be exact. It had always been one of those relationships that made the people around us shake their heads. There were ups and downs, screaming matches and the occasional violent outburst but in some twisted way we were actually in love. We hadn't been together all 9 years though, I'd moved away to college, he moved away to college, we broke up, got back together, and all those other things that happen in a less then perfect relationship. But saying good bye for real wasn't ever in my plans. We hadn't been together in over a year but I still loved him and we had talked about getting together, just never did it. When he called and said he wanted to come over I was sure it was going to be another should we give it another try conversation and I was ready to say yes.

He showed up after work and looked exhausted. We started with all the pleasantries of any two people from a small town. I ask about his family, he asked about mine, we talked ranching for a few minutes and then he let out a long sigh. "We really need to talk."

"OK", I answered.

"You know you were my first love. I'll always love you in some way, but there's someone new."

I just sat there. I didn't know what to say or how to say it. I was ready to get back together and now he was telling me there was someone new. I felt dizzy and nauseous and wanted to run away, only my legs were made of jello. Finally I managed to squeeze an "Oh" out.

"I know it's sudden but we just connect. She makes me laugh and makes me feel like I'm 16 again. And we don't fight." He averted his gaze.

I just wanted to scream at him. Tell him he was wrong. Tell him this time we wouldn't fight, tell him this time would be different. But I knew I'd be lying. I loved him and we had a deep connection but he was right, we did fight. "So, how long have you been seeing her."

"About a month. We got engaged last night. We're getting married this fall." He stared at his hands as if not looking at me was making this whole twisted thing easier.

"Oh, congratulations. I'm glad your happy." The words were coming out of me but I didn't seem to be making them. I guess I was glad he was happy. That was one of the things that had always bothered me about our relationship, he never seemed truly happy. We sat in silence for almost an hour, him staring at his hands and me staring out the front window. When the sun was nearly set he stood.

"I ought to get. She's planning to come meet my sister tonight. You ought to come see my sister while she's in town. She'd like to see you."

I walked him to the door and stood watching him walk to his pickup. He stood with the pickup door open, just looking back at me. I hoped for a brief moment that he was going to take it all back but he didn't. "Good-bye."

"Good-bye", I said. He backed out of the driveway and drove away. I slumped against the door and cried. This really was good-bye.

New plan

2007-06-27T20:31:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I know the story isn't exactly matching the title anymore but some things have changed since I started writing it. So I'll change the title later but for now try not to get too caught up in the discrepency. And I realize there seems to be a big gap between the last post and this one but I had writers block so I moved on and hopefully I can go back later and fill in the middle.

Rance nearly fell off his chair trying to answer the phone before it woke Corri or Brandon. "Hello?"

"Rance, this is Jess. What are you doing?"

"Nothing really. Why?"

"I need to talk to you. Meet me at Martha's in say 30 min."

"Alright. Whats going on?"

"Just meet me at Martha's."

As Rance drove into town he couldn't help but anticipate the worst. Everyone was on edge with Evans trial. Now that Andi was dead if Evan wasn't found guilty he would have custody of Brandon, and from what Jess had heard things weren't looking good. When Rance pulled into the Martha's parking lot Jess motioned for Rance to get in the pickup. "So what's up?"

"The jury just came back with a not guilty verdict. I haven't told Sam yet, she'll be devastated." Rance didn't know what to do. He'd been prepping himself for this but somewhere in his mind he had been convinced that the jury would find Evan guilty. "I think we should get the girls together when we tell them. They'll need each other."

Rance sat in silence for a few long moments before he was even able to think. "What are we going to do? Evan can't have Brandon back, he'll just kill him too. It'll kill Corri to give Brandon to him. We have to do something Jess."

"I know. That's why I called you. Sam and I weren't on board with your plan before but now it doesn't seem so drastic."

Rance was shocked. "You mean killing him? You really want to kill him?"

"Didn't Moses say an eye for an eye?"

"Yeah. I mean I agree with you, I just didn't think you'd ever be the one to say it. So you want to stick with the hunting accident?"

"No. It would be too obvious. Every one knows we think he's guilty and if we were suddenly taking him hunting with us and then he turned up missing rumors would start to fly. We need to have a realistic story to fall back on."

Rance examined Jess's expression. He could tell that Jess had a plan.

Jess waited. He knew Rance was mulling it all over, probably trying to decide if Jess had a plan or not. He did have a plan but he wasn't just going to blurt it out. He had spent all morning working on the details, as if he were working a murder, trying to find the faults and the holes. He wanted to make Rance work through it with him, just to give him another chance to examine the whole idea.

"So how you want to go at it? Suicide, drowning, just disappearance, what?"

"Well, what do you think will look the most accidental?"

"Well, I don't know." Rance just thought about it for a long time, trying to think over what people might believe would just happen to Evan. "Well he likes to fish so we could probably pull off a drowning. On the other hand a lot of people in town figure he killed Andi so maybe we could stage a suicide and people will think his conscious got to him. But then I don't know maybe just killing him and hiding the body is the best bet."

Jess could see that Rance wasn't just going to work it out like he had hoped. "OK, well I do have an idea. I want you to work it out with me though because my kids are not growing up knowing their parents are in prison. We have to work this so it can't be solved. Disappearances are hardly ever just that and its nearly impossible to hide a body and know for sure that it won't be found. Suicide is a plausible story but there's a lot more chances to screw up and leave evidence that way."

Rance considered what Jess said. He hadn't pointed out any faults with the drowning. "But how will we know when and where he'll be fishing? We can't very well call and ask. He'll never tell us plus then they could link our conversation to what happens."

"Right. We can't call him and we can't talk to him in any public places and your probably right about him not talking to us." Jess could tell that Rance was catching on. He liked hearing someone else work it out because it gave him a chance to look at the plan from an outside perspective.

"We could follow him on Saturday mornings and hope he was headed fishing."

"We could but someone might see us. Or he might notice us."

"Wait. Every year doesn't he go fishing the day before Thanksgiving. Something about fish being a more traditional meal for his people?"

"Yeah he does."

"Well I know his favorite place to fish is the south side of the reservoir. Corri made me go with him a couple of times. We could just be there waiting for him. And the bank is nearly a cliff there so a tumble wouldn't seem strange." Rance thought over what he had just proposed. He was pleased with it. The fine details would need to be worked out but it seemed that the general idea was good.

"Your a step farther then I was. I didn't know where he like to fish. We'll have to work out the details so we don't leave a trail but I think so far we've got a cut and dry accidental death. That is as long as he dies. If he doesn't he'll be able to identify us and we both go away for attempted murder."

"If he survives that fall he'll be a miracle. The waters down this year and he'll have to fall over 20 foot of bolders before he hits water. Even if the fall doesn't kill him he'll be cold cocked and drown before he wakes up."

"Now we just get the girls to agree and work the details and then we'll get rid of the little creep."

Hunting Accident-At the hospital

2006-12-08T20:01:00.000-06:00

When Jess got to the emergency room Rance was standing outside. Jess stopped and leaned on the wall next to him. "I thought you quit."

Rance put out his cigerette and then turned to face Jess. "I did until three hours ago. I just couldn't make it. My wife is in there in hystarics, you wife is a complete wreck and our sister-in-law looks like a piece of hamburger. I needed a smoke."

"How is she? They know anything yet?"

"Not much. At least not that they're telling us. They did come out to see what blood type Sam and Corri are but other then that we haven't heard much."

"You should've seen her Rance. I thought she was dead. And he was just laying there in bed, sleeping peacfully. If Anderson hadn't been there I might have shot him."

"I would've. No doubt in my mind."

"Have you heard how Brandon is doing? Are they gonna place him with one of us?"

"We don't know yet. The social worker came and talked to me and Corri about taking him but she said that they won't decide anything till moring. They don't think he's hurt but they want to keep him overnight for observation just incase." Rance subconciously lit another cigerette and took a long draw on it. "What if she doesn't make it Jess, then what do we do?"

"I don't know Rance. I just don't know."

"They'll put him in jail right? He's going away for this isn't he?"

Jess ran his fingers through his hair. "I hope so but its doubtable. You know he'll have some story about being asleep and waking up to her half dead, and I doubt she'll say he did it, if she can even talk. I just don't know if there is much of a case against him."

Rance threw down his cigerette in a fit of rage. "What the hell do you mean not much of a case. She's in there almost dead. Doesn't that count for anything?" Rance kicked the wall and then just stood staring at it.

"I wish it did but I'm not sure we can prove he did it. Judges want hard evidence, not just convinced cops and brother-in-laws. We'll just have to see."

Closing in

2006-11-02T22:46:00.000-06:00

At first the sea calm, it soothes me to be in it.
The small waves make me happy, I forget my troubles.
As the storms build I try to get out but I can't,
And don't really want to.
The amber waves are over my head,
I'm drowning,
I can't get out,
I panic,
Then there is peace.
Drowning isn't so bad,
Even in turmoil the amber liquid is soothing.
I know I should get out,
I try to escape
but I'm in the bottom of the bottle now and the top is so far away.

Hunting Accident continued

2006-10-17T16:23:00.000-05:00

Two weeks later Jess was working the night shift patrolling a remote speed trap. The radio shouted into his dark patrol car waking him from his late night stupor.

"We have a 10-23 in progress, report of domestic assault at 1224 W Hightop Road. Need two units to respond."

"Unit 12 responding to the 10-23. ETA three minutes." Jess could feel himself tensing as he drove. He hated going out on domestic violence calls. As he pulled up to the address a sadistic thought passed through his mind. Owning a green Ford must be a requirement for being a wife beater, Evan owned one too. He could see the other deputy coming up over the hill as he approached the door. The crying of a baby drifted from the house.

He knocked, there was no answer. "Riverside County Sheriff's Department. Ma'am I need you to open the door." Jess glanced at Deputy Anderson who had joined him on the porch.

"Knock one more time and then we're goin' in, that kid is an exigent circumstance."

Jess knocked again, harder this time, but there was still no answer. He eased the knob and Anderson stepped into the house. "Riverside County Sheriffs Department, anyone here?" There was no reply. "You find the kid Jess and I'll start clearing rooms."

Jess found a high-chair in the kitchen tipped on its side with the baby still strapped in. He rushed to the chair and then stopped. The baby was his nephew Brandon. Jess grabbed him and then hurried toward the back of the house. As he stepped into one of the bedrooms his stomach threatened to empty. Andi was lying on the floor motionless, covered in blood, and Evan was passed out on the bed.

"Go call an ambulance Jess."

"Is she ok Anderson?" Jess stood, unable to pull his eyes from Andi's body.

"I don't know, just go call the damn paramedics!"

Jess ran for his patrol car, Brandon still in his arms screaming. "This is Unit 12. Request paramedics to the 10-23, victim unconscious. Also request Child Protection be contacted, infant in the home also possibly injured."

"Ambulance en route, ETA fifteen minutes. I'll get a child protection worker as soon as I can."

Hunting Accident

2006-10-01T20:39:00.000-05:00

Jess sat at the kitchen table lacing his boots while Sam fried him some eggs. He could tell there was something on her mind and he was sure it had something to do with Andi.

"How was work last night hun?"

"Not to bad, it was a fairly quiet night."

"Did you and Corri have a good visit yesterday?

Sam brought Jess's eggs to the table and sat down across from him. "Corri and Rance have an idea to save Andi but they need our help."

Jess finished half his breakfast before looking up. "What's the plan they have?"

"A hunting accident, or at least that's what it will look like." Sam shifted in her seat and avoided Jess's gaze. She knew that what they were planning was wrong but she couldn't get passed the thought that Andi's black eyes and bruises would finally stop.

Jess sat, staring at the fridge. "That's a big risk Sam. Not to mention it's illegal and morally wrong. If we got caught Sage and Justin would grow up with out us. It's my job to stop things like this Sam."

"I told Corri it was a bad idea, but somehow, part of me really wanted to do it. My sister's life almost seemed worth taking someone else's."

"It's ok Sam, a part of me sees reason in it too. It's hard to watch Andi suffer. But it's not in me to actually kill, it's not in any of us." Jess stood up and put his hands on Sam's shoulders. "We'll figure something out. I love you hun." Jess put his coat and hat on and walked to the door. "Get some sleep. I'll see you tonight."

Sam walked slowly to the bedroom and slipped out of her scrubs. She laid on the bed staring at the ceiling. She was ashamed that she had even considered Corri's plan, and then again she wasn't.

Longer Story

2006-09-18T21:35:00.000-05:00

When I said I wasn't going to have much time to post I had no idea that I was going to get mono and be stuck in my room. So since I have all of this time to sit and do nothing but homework I figured I would start posting one of the longer stories I have been working on. I'm not going to guarantee that it will progress at any certain speed but I'll do what I can. Let me know what you think of it because I'm always open to suggestions.

Hunting Accident

Corri sat at a corner booth in Martha's Cafe sipping her coffee. The last few days had been hard on her and this morning Rance had pointed out that it was starting to show. She wasn't the only one taking it hard though. The worry in Sam's voice had all but reached out and smacked Corri when she'd talked to her on the phone.

Sam walked in and sat down across from Corri. She ordered a cup of coffee and then just sat with her eyes closed warming her hands on the cup.

"You should have seen her Sam. Its never been this bad before. Next thing you know she's gonna end up in the hospital." Corri started to shake just thinking about her sister's bruised body.

"He has to be stopped. Since we can't get Andi to leave him he has to go." Sam knew that Corri agreed with her, she just didn't know how they'd get rid of him.

"I know. That's why I called you. Me and Rance have a plan but we're going to need you and Jess's help."

"Okay, what's the plan?"

small family farm

2006-09-16T16:10:00.000-05:00

I stand in the kitchen doing dishes watching out the window as a dust devil meanders through the farmyard. Every ten minuets or so the tractor comes into view, clouds of dust billowing from the disc. It has been months since we've seen any serious rain and the canals went dry weeks ago. Last year was called the worst year ever but this one beats it by far. The big operation planted more wheat and stayed away from the water loving crops like potatoes but we can't afford to do that. The potatoes are small, the few that have even grown and the grain is only mediocre. The phone rings. It's my mother-in-law.
Have I seen Dad?
No I haven't. Not since yesterday night when he parked the tractor.
Do I know hwere he is?
No.
She hasn't seen him since breakfast and he isn't answering on the radio. Neither is my husband. Maybe her radio isn't working. Will I run out to the field and see if he has heard her or if he's seen Dad?
Yes of course I will.
I put on my jacket even though it is warm out and wander into the field. The next time he comes to my end my husband stops the tractor and lets me in. Has he heard his mom's calls on the radio?
No the radio has been quiet all day.
Well has he seen Dad?
Not since last night.
Does he know where he is today?
No, probably just making sure everthing is ready for winter. Just wait till lunch, Dad won't miss lunch.
My husband radios Dad but dosn't get a response. He lets me out and I walk back to the house. I sart washing the dishes again and the phone rings.
Have I gone out to the field?
Yes and the radio must not be working. My husband can't get anything either.
Does he know where Dad is?
No but he's sure that Dad will be in for lunch.
Am I still coming down after lunch to can apple sauce?
Yes of course. I finish washing the dishes and go out to bring in the laundry. I don't konw why I wash it. Just as soon as I hang it out it is full of dust again. I bring it in and start to fold it. My husband comes in for lunch and I make him tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich. After we eat he goes back out to the field and I put on my jacket. I pick up the three bags full of apples that I gathered from our tree and walk the three quarters of a mile to my mother-in-laws house. I go in the back door and she is staring out the kitchen windo.
Dad didn't come in for lunch. Where could he be? Can I walk out to the field and ask my husband to go look for him?
Yes I can. I'll be back in a bit. As I pass the machine shop I see Dad's dirt bike. I can't believe I didn't notice it earlier. I open the door and Dad swings in the breeze. He's gone the way of the small family farm.

maybe someday

2006-09-16T15:34:00.000-05:00

So I'm going through that phase where I really like to write and most of what I write is weird and not necissarily related to each other. At some point I might actually post a longer story I've been working on but for now it will just be my random ramblings and some little stories that I've come up with.